I have found it easier to sleep on the couch rather then the bed my husband sleeps in.. it doesnt feel right sleeping there- and when I do no content sleep is had... on the couch at least I don't toss and turn.
I have found another incessant glowing light... how did I never notice it before? The smoke detector light--- its a little tiny green light---- floating up on rather dark wall... and every 30 seconds there is a second light that blinks red--- it makes me feel safe... weird... I know--- but it does I don't know why.
While on the subject of lights i should copy my facebook status.. from a few days ago--- that will explain quite well whats up with my nightlight
Vanessa Weber I am super creeped out--- i don't think robin was in the bathroom--- but i heard the toilet flush and the tank fill and someone wash their hands... perhaps i need to put a nightlight in there.. I am super creeped out>>>
And now My LED lighthouse nightlight is in the bathroom
I found out later it was Robin (my roommie)
okay back to the topic at hand and why I felt I need to write.
I greatly miss my husband- more then anything or anyone right now... and sometimes I lose sight of the fact that I miss other people too--- it's so much on my plate to miss Jimmy, but I am incredibly homesick. I miss my siblings, I miss my step mother, I miss Daddy, I miss my friends, I miss Montana, I miss Washington. I was looking at pictures today-- my family doesn't get together frequently, but when they do, I can't help but be envious. Do they think of me too? Am I there in their thoughts? Does anyone ask- have you heard from Vanessa? Do they miss me as much as I miss them... of course I know the answer to this..
It sucks missing out on birthday celebrations, My nephews were 4 months and 2 and halfish years when I left--- that 4 month old?? he is 2 now... the 2 yr old just turned 5... Where does the time go???? My other sister had gave birth to a baby girl who is turning 1 in September-- she doesn't know me... so i am not as affected by this...
Makylo (the 5 yr old) does.. I should say DID... He used to always want to talk to me on the phone-- and now... he says I love you- without really knowing who I am, it breaks my heart, I tear up as I hang up the phone-- it pains me to miss my family so much! It makes me feel so alone--- my family is making bonds-- and memories-- that I am not a part of. I have read numerous blogs about how much girls miss their husbands-- but I have yet to see one about something other then Deployment being rough or about how great it is being in love with a sailor... all these blogs are about being a military significant other--- cuz well we are--- but we are so much more too!
we have other feelings- other ambitions that don't revolve around our husbands... or their careers..
I guess even my blog today- revolves around being a military spouse... because these feelings would be obsolete if we were back home.. and not in this lifestyle...
hmmm
I don't like being coined Navy Wife... don't get me wrong-- I love my husband-- and I am so proud of him, but what his job is isn't who he is or who I am. But it is how we live.. and I guess I need to accept this for now.
thanks for reading folks if you made it to the end I appreciate you!
loves
nessa
t
I feel the way you do sometimes. I have missed out so much on my nephew's life, as well as wondering about my parents, who are getting older. You're not alone.
ReplyDeleteLove you.
I am sure they miss you too, and you will at least get to see the people in Washington soon.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. I have a nephew that was born a couple months ago and it pains me that I am going to go visit Indiana and he isn't going to know me.
ReplyDelete