missing out

The house is silent... so silent I can hear the hum of the electricity, of the AC, and the oscillating fan- and yes I do find it necessary to have the AC and a FAN on, that doesn't make me strange or odd. It is dark all but the glow of clocks and computer screen oh and my awesome night light in the bathroom...I will go over that momentarily.... It's 3AM and I am unable to sleep.

I have found it easier to sleep on the couch rather then the bed my husband sleeps in.. it doesnt feel right sleeping there- and when I do no content sleep is had... on the couch at least I don't toss and turn.

I have found another incessant glowing light... how did I never notice it before? The smoke detector light--- its a little tiny green light---- floating up on rather dark wall... and every 30 seconds there is a second light that blinks red--- it makes me feel safe... weird... I know--- but it does I don't know why.

While on the subject of lights i should copy my facebook status.. from a few days ago--- that will explain quite well whats up with my nightlight

Vanessa Weber I am super creeped out--- i don't think robin was in the bathroom--- but i heard the toilet flush and the tank fill and someone wash their hands... perhaps i need to put a nightlight in there.. I am super creeped out>>>

And now My LED lighthouse nightlight is in the bathroom

I found out later it was Robin (my roommie)

okay back to the topic at hand and why I felt I need to write.

I greatly miss my husband- more then anything or anyone right now... and sometimes I lose sight of the fact that I miss other people too--- it's so much on my plate to miss Jimmy, but I am incredibly homesick. I miss my siblings, I miss my step mother, I miss Daddy, I miss my friends, I miss Montana, I miss Washington. I was looking at pictures today-- my family doesn't get together frequently, but when they do, I can't help but be envious. Do they think of me too? Am I there in their thoughts? Does anyone ask- have you heard from Vanessa? Do they miss me as much as I miss them... of course I know the answer to this..

It sucks missing out on birthday celebrations, My nephews were 4 months and 2 and halfish years when I left--- that 4 month old?? he is 2 now... the 2 yr old just turned 5... Where does the time go???? My other sister had gave birth to a baby girl who is turning 1 in September-- she doesn't know me... so i am not as affected by this...

Makylo (the 5 yr old) does.. I should say DID... He used to always want to talk to me on the phone-- and now... he says I love you- without really knowing who I am, it breaks my heart, I tear up as I hang up the phone-- it pains me to miss my family so much! It makes me feel so alone--- my family is making bonds-- and memories-- that I am not a part of. I have read numerous blogs about how much girls miss their husbands-- but I have yet to see one about something other then Deployment being rough or about how great it is being in love with a sailor... all these blogs are about being a military significant other--- cuz well we are--- but we are so much more too!

we have other feelings- other ambitions that don't revolve around our husbands... or their careers..

I guess even my blog today- revolves around being a military spouse... because these feelings would be obsolete if we were back home.. and not in this lifestyle...

hmmm

I don't like being coined Navy Wife... don't get me wrong-- I love my husband-- and I am so proud of him, but what his job is isn't who he is or who I am. But it is how we live.. and I guess I need to accept this for now.

thanks for reading folks if you made it to the end I appreciate you!

loves

nessa

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